May 10

Acceptance - the necessity of letting go

As MECFS Awareness day is on May 12 I will speed up the delivery of these MECFS related poems so that I can ‘let it go’ on May 13 and talk about wonder again. But while we’re here… today is about acceptance. A chronic illness, chronic meaning endless, is about acceptance, but it is a balance. Acceptance is not giving up, but living as it is. It is being more than striving. There are things that I have had to let go in this journey, but I often try to pick them up again before I remember the process of acceptance that has got me there and let it rest once more.

Acceptance - the necessity of letting go

Let go of a cure
‘they’ have no clues
they are still looking
for why and without
the why, the cure is
very far off, impossible,
There is no magic wand
Hidden in the doctor’s drawer

Let go of exercise
I know you miss the gym
The sweat of a work out
The fun of a game
Functional movement
Is the best you can do
Do that very slowly, carefully
Embrace your inner tortoise
Let go of speed and reps

Let go of travel
The world is too far away
Too hard to get to
You would not have enough spoons
To get there, even if you saved them
You can’t bank for a travel day
Only lose them in the trying

Let go of independence
You need help: a parking pass
A scooter, someone else to drive
Accommodations at every turn
Frozen meals saved for days alone
Interdependence is the game now
You cannot be an island
You do not have the resources
To go it alone, let that go

Let go of production
You are not a machine
Your engine doesn’t work
Quite like it used to
Not as it is meant to
If you can’t do today
Perhaps tomorrow?

Perhaps tomorrow? Perhaps there will be a cure? Perhaps the gym will once again become a destination? Perhaps the world will open up to me? Perhaps… but probably not. I still have some hope but it is tempered with acceptance, it makes hope less heavy to carry.